My Lost Love..

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Let me fill you in on the details of this weekend… So, Friday I went to my cousins house to hang out which resulted in so many phone calls by him. We talked and it seemed like it was better.. I was genuinely happy to be on good terms because I felt like we were moving forward together.. Come saturday and we were on cloud 9.. We were all over each other basically having the best last day ever. We ended Saturday night with a kiss and a “Call me tomorrow morning”… I called this morning and right away it was an argument about me not listening to him and about not being able to find a sitter tomorrow.. Not once did I tell him to help me find a sitter all I did was ask what he was doing tomorrow.. We ended on a bad note.. He comes to my house and we both have attitude.. Its completely and utterly stupid.. Once here I feed him and he asks why I wasn’t ready.. To which I reply that we had to wait for my mom to come home anyways since I was watching my brother and I had to shower. Then he gets mad because I tell him a certain time and I am not ready when he tells me. 

We finally leave and we get to the thrift shop but don’t go in because the baby is asleep and we usually wait when he sleeps to avoid any grouchy behavior. In the car we get into it again.. I start up the car and head home. I am trying to talk to him but only end up making up more excuses which makes everything worse.. He begins to talk to me in the most sarcastic tone ever, completely mocking me and I say, “Oh Shut the Fuck Up!”.. This is where it gets good. He slaps my glasses off.. snatches them from my hand when I catch then, snatches them from my hand and some how managing to cut my arm with them.. He breaks them into pieces and tries to storm out of the car which is in the middle of the street going 40mph.. I pull over and he gets out.. That’s all. I text him to never talk to me ever again.. I am more upset then heart broken.. A man has never laid a hand on me.. I don’t care how mad you are.. How far I push you.. You DO NOT put a single finger on me! EVER! So it’s over.. I don’t want to stop moving.. I don’t want to just sit and think because I know it’s gonna hit hard.. three years.. (shit).. three years of having this man in my life.. The ONLY man who I planned a life with.. The only man who sat down and planned our wedding with.. the only man to truly love me and I fucked it up so bad that I pushed him to the point of no return. 

We were about 7 miles away from his car.. It took him about 2 hours to get to it.. I can’t believe how this ended.. It just hurts so bad.. And everyone says “You’ll get back together… if not now then later.” I hope and pray that it works out later.. But deep in my heart I know I will NEVER get a chance with him again.. with my Edgar.. my bug.. my lost love. 


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